Looking for a great way to kill yourself on a snowmobile? You’ve come to the right place! Forget the boring “ride on extremely steep hills” (we ain’t got ’em in New Brunswick anyway!), or “go too fast” as a means to end your life, who wants their demise to be so predictable? If you really want to go for a Darwin Award, check out this list of the 5 best ways to kill yourself on a snowmobile.
1. Tailgating at 180 km/h
Oh yes. This is a most excellent way to snuff yourself out. Whether you’re kissing the bumper of your buddy’s 4×4 or riding the arse of a fellow snowmobiler, get going as fast as you possibly can and as close as your snowmobilin’ skills will allow. Want to make it even more exciting? Have the person you’re following tap the brakes every now and again to test and exercise your reflexes. This is a near-guaranteed way to kill yourself on a snowmobile and, if you fail, at bare minimum you’ll have some pretty cool scars to show-off (a fine way to impress the ladies, let me tell you).
2. See how far into nowhere you can go on a 1/4 tank of gas
Since you can’t exhaust the Search & Rescue resources by getting caught in an avalanche here in New Brunswick, why not send them on a wild goose chase by setting out on a long trip into futt-buck nowhere on only a 1/4 tank of gas. Drive that snowmobile as long and hard as you can until you hear the put-put-put of an empty tank. Once you’re out of gas, set the timer on your watch and see how long it takes for rescue teams to find you. To make it even more effective, don’t let anyone know where you’re going and combine this with #3 and #5 (that Darwin Award is as good as yours!).
3. See how many shots of vodka you can pour and slam while driving at the same time
This takes a lot of fine motor skills, which can be improved overtime with practise. You’ll be more successful if you take your gloves off and, if you’ve got a buddy riding with you, don’t let him hold the shot glass – that’s cheating. This is a fine way to stay warm, especially if you’ve also followed #5. Oh, and feel free to exchange the vodka for your choice of hard alcohol (may I recommend fireball whiskey?).
4. Drive on half frozen lakes
This will really test who has the most balls between you and your friends. There are two ways of doing this: 1) Have everyone line up with their snowmobiles at the edge of the partially frozen lake. On “go”, everyone guns it to see who can make it the furthest without falling in; or 2) Everyone has a marker and you take turns driving out onto the ice, once you’ve gone as far as you dare, drop the marker and come on back. See who can get their marker the furthest on the lake. Bet you can’t make it to the other side!
5. Pack light
Come on, you’re tough, right? Who needs an emergency kit, jacket, extra gloves, etc.? Those things are for wimps and only weigh you down! If you’re successful in following # 1 or #4 you won’t need any of these items anyway and, to stay warm, simply follow #3! Duh.
I’m sure there are a hundred and one ways to kill yourself on a snowmobile…actually, I’m pretty confident there are limitless ways to end your life abruptly with a snowmobile and that all it takes is a little imagination and skill (or lack of)! So, what’s missing? Have you got a better example of how to kill yourself on a snowmobile? Or, better yet, if you have any stories of your failed attempts….let us know! Of course, we are happy you failed or you wouldn’t be reading this and we don’t really want you to kill yourself on a snowmobile, we’re just being facetious….or trying to be!
According to New Brunswick’s official tourism website, the province has the hottest summers and sunniest winters in all of Canada. This fact alone makes it a no-brainer that New Brunswick is going to be an ideal place to hit the beaches. Couple this information with the fact that the province has some of the warmest waters north of Virginia, long sandy beaches and stunning scenery and it’s obvious why New Brunswick’s beaches are a vacationer’s dream and a local’s perfect escape. Here are the top 7 beaches in New Brunswick and perhaps all of North America, starting with #7 and working our way to the top.
7. Anchorage – A ferry crossing from Blacks Harbour will take you to Grand Manan Island, home of Anchorage Beach. With beautiful sandy shores to walk along or lay out a beach blanket, Anchorage Beach is a great way to spend the day whether you’re a local or just visiting. For the more adventurous, Anchorage Beach is a great place for kayaking or canoeing, where you can take in the great scenery of the Bay of Fundy. Anchorage Beach is unsupervised, so make sure to bring your water wings.
6. Indian Point Beach – At low tide, Indian Point Beach is a fantastic place to explore and discover sea life in rocky tidal pools. Located in St. Andrews, Indian Point Beach is just an hour’s drive from Saint John, New Brunswick. In addition to the beach, the local town offers an impressive amount of recreational activities (both land and water) for the entire family, including a world class golf course.
5. Jardine Municipal Park – Put on your flip-flops, slap on the sunscreen and load the kids and dog in the car to go spend the day at Jardine Municipal Park. This place has pretty much everything you’d need or want for a day at the beach, from washrooms, showers and food services, to barbeque facilities, picnic areas and a playground for the kids. What’s more is Jardine Park has some of the warmest waters north of Virginia, so you don’t need to freeze your arse off to enjoy some Canadian ocean swimming.
4. Grande-Anse Beach – This beautiful sandy beach has a playground for the kids, picnic area, volleyball court, change houses, washrooms and food services. The Grande-Anse Beach is less than 2 km from the local village and a short walk to the Popes Museum, the only museum of its kind in North America where you can learn about the past 262 popes, 2000 years of Christian history and view some papacy-related art.
3. Murray Beach – Dubbed as one of New Brunswick’s best-kept secrets, Murray Beach offers warm waters, sandy shores and breathtaking views. Campers can take advantage of the awesome seaside campsites offered by Murray Beach Provincial Park or, if you aren’t the tenting kind of person, there are also a few cabins available too. Nearby lighthouses and covered bridges are a landscape photographer’s dream, especially during the golden “magic” hours of sunrise and sunset.
2. Aboiteau Beach – Nestled right in the heart of Arcadia, Aboiteau Beach has an amazing 5 km of sandy shoreline. Whether you want to relax and work on your tan or need an escape from the hustle and bustle of everyday life, Aboiteau Beach is the perfect place to get away.
1. Parlee Beach Provincial Park – The best beach in New Brunswick has to be Parlee Beach Provincial Park. Why? Parlee Beach has something for everyone, no matter what you’re looking for in a beach. Sandy beaches, warm waters, daily scheduled sports activities, supervised swimming…the list goes on and on. The campground offers all the amenities you’d need, from washrooms and showers to a restaurant, canteen, picnic area and playground. All within 2.5 km of Parlee Beach, you’ll find spectacular restaurants, B&B’s and other accommodations, and even the world’s larger lobster sculpture. Parlee Beach isn’t just the best beach in New Brunswick, it is also perhaps one of the best beaches in Canada.
Got a favourite?
Given that New Brunswick is a coastal province, there are a plethora of beaches of all shapes and sizes. This list is far from exhaustive. Do you have a favourite New Brunswick beach that wasn’t mentioned here? If so, let us know which one and why it’s your favourite beach of New Brunswick.